Time doesn't heal things. it only blur things so that you don't remember as clearly as before.

I know,

There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby.

all those disheartening thoughts are lost in fragments of memory.

who is she.

been a month since I sent the email. shit me, my heart's still with you. I really donno what she's got that I don't have. but I don wanna know. irony. but don worry, I wont let it show and I wont let you know. there's only second best I could find now. speaking of a broken heart. I know it all too well.

how i really wish you could come back. forget everything that happened and be with you. I never thought I could put my pride down to this extent. never, did I thought you could move on so fast. where is the boy I love so much? the boy with the kind heart which I fell so crazy in love with, whom I know I just wanna grow old with, I could give up everything for? where are the days I so damn contented just sleeping next to you, hearing your heart beating and hold your arm, knowing that he really loves my heart, he really do. the one who will look into my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful. felt so right. everything just felt so goddamn right. but then things start to change. he changed. i asked him why he changed, and he replied ' because, people do change.' it hurts me so bad. tears swallowed down inside, held back my tears and I felt the lump in my throat so many times. I was all along loving the boy who he once was, but too bad he changed.

why did he become such a evil man?

so i promised myself im gonna hold my head high, not gonna let anybody see pain anymore. even if it means crying alone in the night, yeah my huge ego, i will survive through. but im falling into pieces everytime I think of the past. where is the strength I had. i just wanna know, how could he be so cold hearted and changed. for he had a girl who loves him so damn much. I really love him so much. if only you can dig out my heart and take a look

here is the only place that i can voice out my real thoughts. because I know no one will ever read them.

I used to be a dreamer. I am a dreamer. I have my fears. unspoken fears. I am so afraid I will never find another boy who loves me like he did. I am so scared. I think about it everyday. I worry about it everytime. So long you come back, give me a hug like how you used to, everything will be okay. I can forget about the bad things you did to me. I regret giving you up. yes I regret it so much. but I guess you need the freedom. I dont know why your so hard to get over with. perhaps I still love you. just like how I did the very first day we been tgt.
I simply couldnt get myself to stop the clock on this blog.
I know I shouldnt love you still because you no longer do.
time, help me with this please.

its sucha shame. I have lost the you that I knew so well, somewhere, somehow. or is that the one that you shown me? that pretended side of yours? i dont know. but its no point to know anymore.

but as far as I know the clock has never stop before

love.

wanna post this here because I know nobody would check my old blog here hah.


it can be quite fun to see someone telling you lies in your face when you already knew the truth.
Indeed, it broke me up inside as you continue every sentence.
I dont know what cause this change of heart in you. But just that my love for you have never change abit. and it never will.

closing down

WADDDUPPPPP peepsssss ((: ahhh anws just wanna inform your that this blog's closing down. for frens, sorry uh not much updating lately. for haters, yeah go ahead and be glad about it. but same old lines: FUCK YOU(s).(: will be sending u all link of new acc in future. till then....takecare ! :DDD

27/05/2010

dont jump.

you used to have a girl who loves you so much, who's willing to wait for you.
Yet you chose to throw it all away.

25/05/2010

uh. jealousy? envy? a little bit of both i guess. dream. i mean..... urgh fuck it. as the song goes, whatever will be, will be. yeah.


everyone makes mistakes right? haah. well.


whatever will be, will be.


had gone with the flow for too long and lost myself.

time to find it somewher else.

its now or never.

22/05 - 23/05

nah uh. thissh ishh sho not guuudd.

waking up at 7pm on a sunday. how the hell am i going to sleep at night when there's work tmrrrrrrrrrrr. rwarrr.

anws had a fun night out with bert n ppl. went to had dinner at billy bombers after bert's gig, and toured arnd town. went for drinks at Spyder opposite Paradiz centre. brings back lots of memories man. tower of beer n a black label. close-to-killer combi for me after laying off alcohol for quite some time ah. after which went to cine for K-box till 6am, as well as for more and more drinksssss. shiokkkk to the max. back home at 7am plus, bathed and i jiktao concuss-ed. wan der fool weekend. ahhhh. im so god damn awake/stoned now aye. shit.

HAHAHA and all that's ringing in my mind now:

''Bo ta Bo LANJIAO! (except for me lahhh)'' and the ''Bro-code''. lololololololololol.

sometimes i guess i'll much prefer be a guy to than being a girl. It would be so much simpler.

If that boy dont love you by now, he'll never ever love you. harsh reality

According to the Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four legs, four arms, and a head with two faces.

Fearing their power, Zeus split them apart, condemning them to spend their lives in the search of their other half.

20/05/10

despite all, you're still the best thing that could ever happen to me.

19/05/10- you're a....sexy baby.

OT-ed tonight. tired and headed home after work. only motivation? getting ma fishy coloured end of mth. well planning to go for it by myself but since he wanted to acc me let it be then.


thinking back on the month so much happened. owe a big one to marke. if not hav no idea that sickening son-of-a-bitch gonna g__gb__g me with hw many of those f-up bastards. and that bloody bitch. none of her motherfucking business still wan chup. really jiak ba bo sai pang sial.

anws am looking forward to those club sessions with ma bitches man(: hav been so long since my freedom. its time to rock baby.


I shivered at the thought of it.
I wont let another man into my heart again.
I wont.

...I hope.

18/05/10

swt words n humor.

I felt appreciated.

I felt remembered.

I felt human once again.

hatred

why cant you use the heart that I've used to accept all your mistakes and incompetency?

16/05

memories are being erased, bit by bit.

15/05/10

Everyone wants to know why I won't let you go. It's because if I walk away, I know you won't come after me.

14/05/10 Part two

went bugis after work with joyce to meet up with ayuni to chill. walked arnd and talked for hours. bought myself a beautiful pair of rose studs. was otw home when stoped by a group of bengs. asked me for number. luckily they werent persistent. tio reject 3 times and give up.

Im contented enough right now, aint I?

14/05/10, our tenth.

Happy 10th baby.

13/05/10

took half day off work. tired.

was told that I will be taught editorial work to help clients in coming up with advertising lines. Sorta cheered me up abit as I can use little creativity and also get abit closer to my dream of entering mass comm.

hope it all works out fine.

13/05/2010

fuck this life.

left chest hurts again. hav to stop my breathing to ease the sharp pain. wonder, can i just stop breathing. too tired to go on. nothing's holding me back anymore. my love for life is gone. every single fucking day is drenched in darkness. which motherfucker knows.

I've became so silent. and lifeless.

Come and take me away if you want. I dont want me anymore. same nostalgic-


free me.




but lord pls help me in any unforeseen outcome. let him find a girl who loves him as much as I do. whole-heartedly.
just dont take away my memories. they're mine

08/05/2010 - Can you meet me halfway

Just woke up. Met up with jieying and jac, but jac couldnt make it to meet us. had 2 buckets of heinekens. High and dry.

she asked me to stay where I am. till he comes back.

faith is running out. thinking back on all the bad things he did.

Is it worth it?

fucked it up once, but i aint gonna fuck it up twice.



You once said you will never let harm come in my way. You broke your promise.

03/05/2010

i asked,

Can i close my eyes and forget everything.

No one replied me.

I asked again.

I want everything to be that simple, thats all.

Nothing.

Its all empty.

I've become so hollow.

This is not the wencui i used to know.

Fallen and defeated.

Fine. God, u won.

01/05/10

went to bert's gig ytd. laughs. movie at 2am. home at 4am plus. tired, but worth it(: im starting to love this feeling. embrace it baby.

25/04/2010

Guess i've started to find my self-worth. Hence im so affected by it. and others.


Im so tired. I dont even bother explaining myself to others. Which motherfucker knew the heartache Im having.

24/04/2010

where are you b.

the feeling of missing you is still as strong.

i miss you.wanted to go view your fb page, but i dont even dare to open that page. guess its THAT overwhelming to me. and no, i still haven went to your page since u sailed. guess as a coward i do not have the courage.

had a dream ytd lol.

dreamt i found out from marke that u meeting him to play LAN at Geylang (-.-) while u were taing a break from ur sailing. laughs. lol. still rmber i was damn pissed y u didnt reply my msges yet contacted Marke to go DOTA. lol.

well. a dream, is still a dream after all. yea

Nothing in words can describe how much im missing you right now, hubby. lougong fai dik fan lei ah.

i promise i wont pick on you and find chance to quarrel with you liao. come back okay?

i tried to do everything i can to take my mind off you,but you have no idea how hard it is. you ARE indeed on my mind 24/7. nabeh. yesterday even sneaked into my dream sia.

perhaps i'll be better after starting work on monday. perhaps.

23/04/2010

You said there might be possibility of wireless there.

I held on to the hope.

I log in everytime,checking my mail inbox.

There's no news of you.

how are you doing b.

ngo hou xiong lei ah.

i want ur kisses on my cheeks, forehead, nose, and lips to feel safe.

I want you to come back , hug me to tell me everything's alright.

I miss you so badly.

22/04/2010

yea guess i've began blogging once again. its the only way i can express myself, although its pathetic how im pouring my heart out to a electronic device. in fucking constrast to the image i potrait to people; being heck-care and stuff.

i really really am missing him.

tons and tons of questions in my head.
is he slping well? what does he eat there? is he eating well there? hw's his days over there? wat to do if it rains over there? is there somebody who help the dumbdumb iron his uniform there? does he thinks of me at least once a day? does he know im thinking of him.
god. im missing him so badly. swore i never knew i could ever love a man so much. so much that i will do anything to hug him now. I wanna feel his warmth. That familiar pair of hands, which im gonna hold till the day im being put into the ground. till the day my memories are being erase out of my mind. till the day where even alpha and omega doesnt even exist when everything doesnt matter anymore.


I love you.

21/04/2010

Its officially one day since u went on your sailing.

All i want to do now. is to lean close to you and whisper :

Ngo hou xiong lei ah Lougong. Ngo zhen ga hou xiong lei ah. Lei fai di fan lei, hou ma.


you never know much i yearn for you to be sleeping next to me right now. I promise I'll watch you sleep. I promise.

130210

once again you let me down.
you said to bring me along to your dinner.
yet you mention shits about it now.
dont you know how i wanted the acceptance?
but yet how you want me to say it? to ask you? ' are you bringing me along?'
its unfair.
times and tomes you make me so down.
i thought you'll know me inside out by now.
seems like you dont.
you made me wanna say goodbye so much.
my heart just gets colder by the minute.

sudden/out-of-boredom thought/reminisc(e)

eh. no purpose for this post la. just feel like typing it i guess.



Well ever since 110709, my life has undoubtedly, made a dramatic change. Or rather someone changed it dramatically. For the better(:

And so here it begins, me learning and observing how to, what is, finding out why, etc. All these questions revolve around nothing but the thing called love. I wont say that its a word but a thing as it is more of a starting point in a mind-map that leads to alot of stuffs much rather than just a four-letter word. AND, i think ALL dictionaries should have the word removed. Simply cause it is not a thing that can be explained or defined universally and have it approved by Wikipedia/Google/Whatever Lanjiao websites or professors or whosoever. It applies to two individuals, (or three, four, five......... if your into THOSE kinda thing and you know what i mean :D) , to each their own.



WTF am i rambling on -..-
OH YEAH what really triggers off this post was my dream i had recently.
Well it was back into the days when im still at Club9. And the after math? After i woke up, can't help but think and compare the life then and the life im having now. Though both ARE fucked, but one's fuck and the other is fuckery fuck.
Okay. Shall begin with my NOW life. Waking up at 6am: pee, brush teeth, bath, dry hair, make up, dressed, take bus. Reached office, switch on computer, and there it goes, my day of facebooking/a-bit-of-working. Monday to Friday. Welcome to my life. OKAY LAH it isnt so bad LAH. You'll find out why if you continue your reading to the end of this nonsensical post. :))


WHEREAS, the LAST-TIME life: sleep at 6 or 7am, wake up ard 5pm, pee, brush teeth, eat first-meal-of-the-day, watch tv, nuah abit here and there, bath, changed, off to work at 8 or 9pm. Stepping inside, you'll be greeted by familiar faces, or welcomed by stares of unfamiliar people whom will be caught whispering to their friends or companies ' Li kua Li kua, An Ni Shueh Han Zho Pub Liao', in which you'll proceed to don-give-a-fuck /pretend nvr hear. For the familiar faces, you'll just feel their smiles whilst walking in, feeling their glares which scans you from top to toe, recieving compliments on how great you look with that mini skirt/new pair of heels. Fllowed by which, their offers or demands that u've to down 3 rockglasses of whatever cause you turn up for work so late. Fine i admit inside my mind was like '' Oi here is pub leh. Li ai wo ann ni zhan lai zhor simi ?!'' After a night of drink, 5-10, and stuff, our transport picks us up at like 2am and back home, sleeping safe and sound, partially cause of all the shit they made you down.



OKAYOKAY i know. I can no longer go back. though there is the tiny/hidden urge which i can't voice it out. Everytime Jieying says ' i miss Club9!' , I could only reply with a smile and '' ya lor.''
I know to alot of people, it is not a glamorous kinda job, but just so happen that it was my favourite job. In summary, you're paid to DRINK. how pretty is that.
Of cause there's little ugly side, like fighting with other bitches to open bottles, sticking around with customers just so that they'll (hopefully) buy you a lady's drink.




NOW, I've just embarked on another new path of life. Maturing, i would like to called it. Settling down, stuff like that. But suprisingly, I'm willingly to do it. This brings us back to 110709, the day when i met someone who changed my life. The very same person who has thus became my motivation for living. Ok living is too large-scale. He's my motivation for small-scale things like waking up in the morning, looking forward to weekends, stuffs like that.



OKAY gtg back to ''work'' lol. Shal end this post on a lighter note.


Love
You
Lee
Yao
Wei
Kim(:

LOOOONG TIME

UPDATE people UPDATE LIAO LOHHHHHH :DD





29 Dec

Work.
-_-




30 Dec

Work.
-____-




31 Dec

Half day actually, but nv went work.
(n____n)




01 Jan

.............forgot what i did LOL but anywaes it was the first day of a new year lah!




05 Jan

After work went town with b....bought two sunglasses from Rubi @ $10 each^^ cheapcheap nicenicenice. decided to wear them on our sentosa trip during the weekend :DD




07 Jan

Ponn-ed work againnn. forgot what i do already lol.




08 Jan

Went work......got newyear reception so OT-ed till 7.45pm.
-..-
there goes my friday.
but after work went find B and stayed over (: worth it laaa(:




09 Jan

Woke up, went home bath and prepare, meet b arnd 11pm to have Mac at ECP followed by L4D2 :)))................back to B's and zzzzzzzzzz(B's) ZZZZZZZZZZZ(mine) lol.





10 Jan

Woke up while B still lazy-ing in bed to bath, dry hair, wait for B to bath and prepare, and OFF TO SENTOSA!!!!!!!
HAHAHA initial plan was to wake up at 10.30am but both of slept til 12pm plusplusplus.
reached Vivo arnd 3pm plus, eat, went giant to get the sand mat, apple juice, sun-tan lotion, wangwang crackers etc :D
......reached Sentosa arnd 4pm :))
slack arnd.......left about 6pm plus and back to Vivo for dinner at Superdog:)))
Gtg home at 8pm plus after that as i have work the next day :(

12 Jan

Aft work went to collect the ''initially-meant-to-be-suprise'' for B but in the end he drove me there .
-______-'''''''
hahaha at the Sentosa trip he said wanted to have one as they are very cute.......... so the day after that i reached office str8 away went online to search....... TWO WINTER WHITE DWARF HAMSTERS.
Arranged to meet and collect from that guy at Lakeside MRT station. lol he placed them in a shoe box and i opened it..... SO CUTEEEEEE. Two little furry puddings pop their heads up and kept hiding in the paper. lol i even made a joke about them being just ''man-yue'', as they are only 4 weeks old and have open their eyes two weeks back nia <3<3<3
Then decided to skipped work the next day to play with them :DDDDDD


what a great excuse.
:))




13 Jan

Skipped work
(wuhoo)
While B was having tennis training went to meet up with jieying :D
Had dinner at Modesto (i think that's the name) at Vivo. After which headed to St. James for a little drink while waiting for B to come and fetch me :D
.....aft b's tennis went to eat at chompchomp and back to his place to ZZZZZZZzzzz and more zzzzzzzzzzz




14 Jan

Skipped work again
(WUHOOOOOOOO)
Because.............

ITS MY 1/2 YEAR WITH B !!!!!!!!
aiyoyo time pass so fast sia.
been 6 months since that dumbdumb carried me home from DBL O :DDDDD
love you my lougong(:

15 Jan

Once again its Fridayyyyyyy, the loveliest day of the week.
After work went home for dinner to wait B to end his stupid donno-what ship opening. Aiya in short, he went to open a ship la okay lol.
Went over to B's at arnd 9pm , waited for his friends , used his perfume (LOL), then headed down to Boatquay. Opened 1 martell 1 Chivas, still left a bit of chivas so we tabao-ed and enjoy it while on the way to St. James :DDD
at St james just ANYHOW drink, in which i mean realli ANYHOW drink, cause people just give you and you just ''gurp'' and drink down.
Back to B's aft that :DD




OKAY DONE FOR THE DAY!!!!
Chaos peeps
:D